some pictures

Here's a few more pictures from my photo a day thing.

At my feet.

man-made.

Where I slept.

Self control

Today, I thought I was going to loose it. I didn't though, and that makes me proud. Not yet anyways. I don't think I'm out of the woods yet, this is just a brief pause. I was just so overwhelmed. Danny was able to come home from L.a. last night, rather than haveing to spend the night and then well into today there. Which is nice, but he and our boss didn't get in until 2am-2:30. They had also spent the better part of 20hrs driving, so they were all wound up and needed time to settle down. I, however, had spent that whole time cleaning the house and running errands. So I was pretty fuckin tired and really just wanted to hangout with my boyfriend, maybe watch one of the movies I had bought earlier. I really wasn't planning on "hanging-out" with our boss. Whom, I already really don't care for very much at all, for an additional 2 hours. Both Danny, and our boss just wanted to talk about business too. That was the opposite of awesome. At 3 am, I could really care less about what some guy I don't like has in store to benefit Danny and myself. This guy can hardly get his own shoes on on the morning!! By the time we finally did go to bed, it felt like we only slept for 20 mins before Danny was wide the Fuck awake at 9am. That's when I woke up. I figured I would make the best of it since I was already awake. Only to go downstairs and remember our boss slept on our couch. Ugh. After he finally woke up an hour later, we we privileged enough to drive him around town after dropping off his rental car. Then he left! That was awesome, but the letter from my sisters made me incredibly sad and homesick. So I was all blubbery and emotional for most of the day anyways. To top everything off, something has been bothering Danny aswell. He's been irritable off and on all day. It bugs me when he gets like that because there isn't anything I can do to make him feel better. I even made meatloaf with all the stuff he likes in it, and he didn't even have an appetite. It bums me out when he's down. Sometimes he will say something like "I'm gonna snap on someone today." And it pisses me off a lot of the time because, I feel the same way so often. But I keep it to myself. I don't loose it on people, and I pretend life is peachy. Because I'm supposed to be his silver lining, I'm the one who has to find the possitive side to everything. I'm sure I could tell him exactly how I feel, but then I wouldn't feel like his silver lining anymore. I like being there for him when he's down. I just don't feel like its fair for him to have to deal with what I'm stressing about too, but then again who else am I supposed to go to? I just wish we had a little less stress in our life that had to do with being used as someone else's ladder to the top and start climbing for ourselves. I can't wait until we are really building our future, not someone who has little appreciation for what others do for him. Today, I honestly did think i was going to have a panic attack. I could feel my breathing get short and shallow,and my eyes wouldn't focus. Then my tounge got numb and my arms and legs felt noodley. I pulled through though. I remained in control of myself this time and that makes me kind of proud :] on that note: here's to a better tomorrow and a good night :]

Oh bother....

Today I finally checked the mail, since the day after my birthday. I'm horrible at that too. Well in my mailbox was a little envelop to me from my sisters. It was so sweet! Everyone loves to get letters in the mail! And the fact that my 9&13 year old sisters sent me one sends me over the moon. It also made me insanely sad though. I miss those girls so damn much. I hate not being able to watch them grow, and I can't protect them if bullies pick on them, or take them out for ice cream, or anything :[ Angel is at an age where she is a little more understanding. She mostly wants to go hang-out with her friends and stuff. But, Mia is still young. She doesn't really get it when people move away. Or why I can't just move back on the drop of a hat, and it breaks my heart. I'm going to send them letters in return. I think.they might enjoy getting things in the mail too.

I suck at this game...

So, I'm not very diligent about this whole thing. However, I do have pictures for the days I've missed. Lately we've just been so freakin' busy. I feel like we are constantly going up to the mountain, just to go home and then immediately go back up!! it's getting old. Soooo old. I can't wait till we actually start gaining from this whole process, rather than just staying stationary. like we're just treading water. That gets exhausting after a while. Your muscles start to give out and you start to think about how refreshing it is to feel the water wash over your face while you hold your breath for a second. But then you accidentally inhale and get salt water (because, we're probably in the ocean right now...) all up in your sinuses, and it burns. Then you panic, and your already tired, aching muscles can hardly keep up at surface level for much longer. Then......you drown. I cant let myself drown. I have to remember that I have self control, and if I'm ever left with nothing (knock on wood) I will still have my self control. I'll keep myself from panicking and keep myself a float. but, fuckin' a, it's hard! On a lighter note though, here are some pictures!

 

 

Drink.

 

Something I Won't live without. (ha, duh...right?)

 

Night.

 When I look at this one on my TV, I can actually see the stars. I was kind of blown away.



today photo

Something small.

This acorn is pretty small.

 

 

So the other day, my photo for the day was 5'o'clock. We happen to have been driving home from Brownsvalley and were driving along the delta right then. well every time we drive by, there's this abandoned sail boat washed up on the shore. It's been picked apart by people, and at one point I think it was even someones home for a little while. Anyway, it's always kind of struck our eye every time we see it. I felt so lucky to have been able to stop there and really capture it before the tide finally takes it away, or it gets disposed of some other way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was kind of sad seeing that boat washed up and forgotten about though. It reminded me of being on my uncles sail boat The Red Dwarf . Those were always fun days. Especially if the seafood festival was happening on the water front where he would dock it. My grandparents also had a boat, but it wasn't really a sailboat. it was a speed boat. We would go tubing all the time on the back of their boat. Both of these boats would also sail the delta. just as this poor dilapidated dream once did.  

apple cider day

Brr. It's pretty chilly out today. It's definitely an apple cider day. I just have to find a really awesome recipe so I can do this right. As much as I miss home and want nothing more than to go back, I do really love the fall in the bay area. The leaves all change colors so beautifully, and it only rains every now and then. I'm also super stoked to build my scarf collection! And sweaters. Those are fun too. I think I may even try this whole leg warmer thing out. It looks pretty cute when other girls wear them...but then, I'm not other girls.
Danny and I are driving around right now. Just took some stuff to a friend of ours, and they have the ugliest/cutest bulldog ever. He's all white and sometimes gets this weird rash all over him. You can't just ignor him though. He has the cutest little monster face ever, and when he snorts at you, you just have to pat him on the head. Well, were at our second destination. I'm out. :]]

caught up.

So here are yesterday, and today's photo-a-day pictures. Tomorrow I'm going to go back to my 5 'o' clock photo and elaborate. I was able to snap some really cool pictures of where we stopped along the delta.

 

something I do everyday.

my reflection.

 

 

 

more tomorrow :]