Self control

Today, I thought I was going to loose it. I didn't though, and that makes me proud. Not yet anyways. I don't think I'm out of the woods yet, this is just a brief pause. I was just so overwhelmed. Danny was able to come home from L.a. last night, rather than haveing to spend the night and then well into today there. Which is nice, but he and our boss didn't get in until 2am-2:30. They had also spent the better part of 20hrs driving, so they were all wound up and needed time to settle down. I, however, had spent that whole time cleaning the house and running errands. So I was pretty fuckin tired and really just wanted to hangout with my boyfriend, maybe watch one of the movies I had bought earlier. I really wasn't planning on "hanging-out" with our boss. Whom, I already really don't care for very much at all, for an additional 2 hours. Both Danny, and our boss just wanted to talk about business too. That was the opposite of awesome. At 3 am, I could really care less about what some guy I don't like has in store to benefit Danny and myself. This guy can hardly get his own shoes on on the morning!! By the time we finally did go to bed, it felt like we only slept for 20 mins before Danny was wide the Fuck awake at 9am. That's when I woke up. I figured I would make the best of it since I was already awake. Only to go downstairs and remember our boss slept on our couch. Ugh. After he finally woke up an hour later, we we privileged enough to drive him around town after dropping off his rental car. Then he left! That was awesome, but the letter from my sisters made me incredibly sad and homesick. So I was all blubbery and emotional for most of the day anyways. To top everything off, something has been bothering Danny aswell. He's been irritable off and on all day. It bugs me when he gets like that because there isn't anything I can do to make him feel better. I even made meatloaf with all the stuff he likes in it, and he didn't even have an appetite. It bums me out when he's down. Sometimes he will say something like "I'm gonna snap on someone today." And it pisses me off a lot of the time because, I feel the same way so often. But I keep it to myself. I don't loose it on people, and I pretend life is peachy. Because I'm supposed to be his silver lining, I'm the one who has to find the possitive side to everything. I'm sure I could tell him exactly how I feel, but then I wouldn't feel like his silver lining anymore. I like being there for him when he's down. I just don't feel like its fair for him to have to deal with what I'm stressing about too, but then again who else am I supposed to go to? I just wish we had a little less stress in our life that had to do with being used as someone else's ladder to the top and start climbing for ourselves. I can't wait until we are really building our future, not someone who has little appreciation for what others do for him. Today, I honestly did think i was going to have a panic attack. I could feel my breathing get short and shallow,and my eyes wouldn't focus. Then my tounge got numb and my arms and legs felt noodley. I pulled through though. I remained in control of myself this time and that makes me kind of proud :] on that note: here's to a better tomorrow and a good night :]